Aperture

VINCE ALETTI CAME TO THE GROUP SHOW THAT I WAS IN!!!

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Vince Aletti for the New Yorker:

“IDENTITY IDENTITIES”

Stephen Frailey, the head of the undergraduate photography department at the School of Visual Arts and a photographer himself, gathers a group of eleven recent S.V.A. grads whose work confronts issues of identity, whether directly or glancingly. Ambitious, accomplished, and decidedly quirky, the material here is encouraging in its range; no matter how uneven, it rarely feels impersonal or imitative. Inevitably, several of the participants explore aspects of self-portraiture, most often through absurdist but sharp-witted impersonation (Jess Shaffer, Jennifer Lee, Nicola Kast). Hugo Fernandes’s shadowy images of men are full of erotic possibility, some of it realized, and Kelly Clark’s seemingly straightforward shots of suburban homes tease out the terrible stories that lurk behind ordinary façades. Jing Quek’s artfully constructed pyramid of cheerleaders is the show’s fun pièce de résistance. Through Aug. 20. (Aperture, 547 W. 27th St. 212-505-5555.)

coupe de cheveux: haircut

GO GO POWER RANGERS

show show and more shows

Lucky me!! I was asked to be a part of a group show at the Aperture Foundation Gallery:

http://www.aperture.org/gallery/index-identity.php

The show ends today so if you get the chance please stop by! We had a great response from the show and I'm really grateful to have been part of it. My favourite was Susanne Persson's work:

Susanne Persson (Sweden, b. 1982) manipulates consumer product logos, removing select details and leaving a skeletal framework of form and color.

http://www.susanneperssonblomqvist.com/

She is also an amazing designer:

www.perssonclothing.com
(www.public-surface.blogspot.com)

If you miss this show, I am preparing for my next show downtown. Details to come...

:)

all mine!!!

Guess who filmed this...

Lighting

I have the most difficult time with lighting.  I don't fully understand it and its very difficult for me to capture it.  I need to practice or I will continue being an okay photographer.

I miss my best friend. She is going back to Sweden indefinitely and I can't stand this thought. I want to go with her more than anything. I can't stand not being with her.

everything is fleeting and so tonight ive stopped caring about the big moments

I received a text message saying that he thinks we should talk. I don't want to because I know what he is going to say. No matter how much I tell myself everything is going to be fine and as much as I know everything will actually be fine, I don't want to face this reality.

One good thing about this adventure is that it gave me inspiration for my next two projects.

Currently...

I am stuck between nothing and nothing with a little bit of something. The past few weeks I have been going home straight from work so I can sleep. In the mornings, I wake up, take a bath, get dressed (frantically), come to work. I haven't made any time for myself and I remember going through this once before and I don't remember what I did about it. I need to find inspiration to find inspiration but I am really getting quite use to the repetition of doing my job. Its really dangerous.

Time

I bought boyfriend #4 a watch with four faces so you can set four different time zones at once.  I bought the gift for him because I will be leaving soon for the european tour and I thought it would be nice for him to know what time it is wherever I am.  Time will keep us connected. Which is so weird to me.  My moment will be the same as his moment and we will always have this constant...but everything else is completely different:where we are, what we are doing, everything.  But no matter what, time will always be the same.  In a way, its like being on opposite sides of the world and looking at the same moon at once except time isn't something you can really look at, you can just be reminded of it.  

It is so relieving thinking about the timing between Boyfriend #4 and how perfect it was.  I left this one vintage store at the exact moment he was passing by.  And if this moment didn't happen I would not be with Boyfriend #4 and my entire life would be different.  This is completely scary and a bit exciting. If I left the store even one second later, B#4 would have walked right by me and he would never have approached me (I'm curious to know how many times this has happened before).  I am completely amazed with how perfect perfect perfect this timing was.

the most annoying thing a man can say: "what do you want me to say"

Quiet

I am sitting outside in a small private backyard. Until this moment I had forgotten what nature sounds like. The birds and the wind are louder than the traffic. The light is not the East Coast ambiance that I am use to and instead the sun here is filtered by the trees. There is a grey and white cat that rubs her face against my legs and I feel like I should be at my typewriter writing inspirational ideas to my lover who is far far away. Its a completely different world where time doesn't exist and where you could be doing nothing and still be doing something.

I am currently in a different mode. I now prefer solitude and I don't want anyone to know anything about me. I don't want relationships or friendships on a deeper level. I just want to be alone.

Film reccommendation:
http://www.fashvids.com/2007/05/documentary-sign-chanel-by-loc-prigent.html

I didn't know quality/devotion like this existed in real life.

Creative Outlets

The last time I picked up a camera was to document some things for my boss because our scanner wasn't working. The last time I picked up a real camera for something that matters to me...I really can't remember. It's been a while since I last sat down in a chair with nothing to do but think. And it's been even longer since I have taken a piece of paper and a pencil and written ideas down. Additionally, I have lost all of my older notes and so I am blank. From here I can go in two directions. I can start over or I can continue down the path that I seem to be going and turn into a robotic office worker. Don't we all need creative outlets...even the robotic office workers? How do people stay sane when all they do is go to work, then go out for drinks, then watch tv, then go to bed and on weekends play basketball or run around a track? I love the outdoors and I love doing all these said things, but at some point I go completely crazy and start biting my nails and overeating and thinking about where I can run away to next and I get frustrated.

180

A questionable thing has happened. Actually, its not questionable; what has happened is a perfect reflection of the indecisive nature of my life and so I guess a better word would be funny. I guess the description does not really matter. What matters is the story:

This week I had posted about being stuck and frustrated with how things have turned out. And today I am feeling the opposite. There are several factors that have inspired this 180:

1. I finally went on the roof of my office building. I spent part of last night and early this morning looking out at Central Park and the sky is so big (which i often forget when I am standing in the street with buildings blocking my view). I can see all the trees of Central Park and everything is so massive and I am so small and being confronted with this ratio has reminded me that there is so much out there for me.

2. Boyfriend #4 which happened very suddenly but also very genuinely.

I met this boy and now he is my boyfriend and things feel really right even though I can't explain why or how and really the whole thing is completely illogical. The logical side of me is really fighting (and losing) against my natural feelings and emotions. I was really afraid but I think things will be okay because I am happy and excited and I trust my intuition.

3. Learning to let go of logic. I am naturally a romantic and I have tried to abandon this part of me and replace it with an ultra logical person. But being illogical keeps life interesting. And I think growing up is actually learning to balance logic with dreams and knowing when each is appropriate.

I was really terrified to start anything with Boyfriend #4 and the first day we were going to see each other I kept questioning whether I should really meet him. At one point I was standing in front of the place we were suppose to meet and I just left.

The logical side of me said:
Jennifer, you have been through this so many times already. Things are decent as they are. Leave things as they are.

In any sort of relationship or friendship, the minute you open up to someone you risk leaving a void.

The rest of me said:
Jennifer, have fun. Think about now and not yesterday or tomorrow. And trust yourself.

So a few blocks later i called him and we met up and today I am happy.

Life is too flat for love to exist

Its been so long since I last posted. I have been busy with my job and had a project that was taking over every second of every day. Also, I met a boy that I am very curious about. And in my free time have been trying to figure out what I want from life.

When I see couples I tend to wonder (even though its none of my business) if they are in love and if they will stay together. And then I wonder, if they are in love, why do they love each other and what makes them so unique...why does that guy love that girl and not me and why does that girl love that guy and not the one that just crossed the street? Its a silly thing to think. When I was younger, I never thought like this. When I was younger I knew that love is love and it can't be explained and he loves her because they were meant to be...because everything aligned and they loved each other cause they had to...because without each other they would be incomplete. When I was younger I knew that I would find someone to love, who would love me back...who would do anything for me...and who would love me in a way that is rare and true. When I was younger I believed in Morgenstern's true love and high adventure.

When I was younger, I knew that when I grew up I would be traveling the world and I would never sit still. I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldn't settle for one city and I would never stop exploring.

Here I am...kind of grown up, sitting in this one place with no love of my life....with no love anywhere in sight. The two things that I have always wanted and always knew I could get, I don't have and have no idea how to start searching for and my dreams are kind of fading away.

I am completely over this growing up thing. The transition from daydreaming teenager to bill paying adult is kind of hard to come to terms with and I kind of can't wait until my bill paying adult self completely erases the daydreaming teenager so I will no longer have those impossible dreams hanging over my head. Have I really become this cynical?

I am logical and a realist but a dreamer. I am having these great conflicts with myself and I have so much to be grateful for and yet I am very impatient for the next [great] moment.

Here and There

1. Domingo M.

(http://www.artnet.com/artist/424865771/domingo-milella.html)

I was writing to my Italian friend the other day.  He is a photographer who travels around the world taking photographs of really interesting and beautiful cityscapes;  There is a weird imbalance/balance between nature and urban landscapes in his images. 

His photographs sum up every reason I love to travel and I get the same feelings from his photographs as I do when I am exploring;  I am overcome with this confusing/wonderful sense of calm and fear and freedom.  I want to see everything and yet I want everything to remain a mystery.

When I was writing to him, I told him that traveling is everything to me and it is as necessary for my mind and spirit as food and water is for my body.  Maybe my love for travel is the reason New York is the only place that I feel sane in.  My favourite thing about New York is that everyone has their own version of the city.  And as long as this is true, I will always find something interesting about this place.  There will always be something new to discover:

2.  Crooklyn by Spike Lee

Definitely the best movie of all time.  

3. Paris Je T'aime

A movie I could watch every day for the rest of my life.

Fantasy/Fairytale

1. Melvin Sokolsky








2. Tilda Swinton in Chronicles of Narnia. Her costumes are amazing.

3. Identity Identities

In March 2009, I will be a part of a group show in Italy.

In my photographs I combine the reality I experience with the delusions and fantasies that I often prefer. I try to create narratives that parallel my personal accounts in a space where my character can exist alone, with her thoughts and memories. Generally, my work reflects experiences that I encounter as a young woman who is constantly learning, searching, and trying to figure out her place in the world. Often my photography is a diary of experiences with ex boyfriends, but it has also has been about who I was, who I am, and who I will be; the past has become fact and the future is still unpredictable.

I use fashion to describe or create a character that represents myself in different stages of growth however the fashion comes secondary. I take self portraits and my life is so impacted and involved in fashion that it translates heavily in my photographs.

4. Sally Mann

5. Tim Walker

6. My best friend Noelani has been telling me for years that I should watch La Belle et La Bete and I never did. Finally my mentor Isaac Mizrahi insisted that I watch it and I regret not watching it sooner because the imagination involved in creating this world is incredible and it has really sparked something in me.

Sex

1. Josephine Baker: Precious wants these shorts.  And I agree, we all need a pair of hot shorts like these

2. Eartha Kitt as Cat Woman 

and:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOMmSbxB_Sg

3. About a year ago I went to Film Forum for Last Year at Marienbad.  In the middle of the film one guy couldn't take it anymore and left and at the end of the film, the guy behind us got up and said "What the hell was that?  Did anyone understand?" 

4. For a while I didn't understand Penelope Cruz's appeal until I saw Woody Allens film Vicky Christina Barcelona.  I'm not particularly fond of when she gets "sexed" up.  But like this she is gorgeous:

5. Blow up has been one of my favourite movies since I first became interested in photography and fashion.  It can often be a hard film to get through, as it is quite long and confusing but I discover something new each time I watch it.

This is one of the most famous (and best) scenes from the film with the supermodel Verushka. It is a bit silly and awkward,  but so is sex:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wygqlfUoJEs

6. Cyd Charisse:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YWBOfsXsDA

7. My friend Shani playing prepared piano:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMNCAmmYUOs

Gustavo Dudamel

In my last post I had written that there are no words for Gustavo Dudamel but the words are actually endless and so it is easier to say "there are no words".

The video I posted of him is a bit long but it is better and more relevant to developing my work than any art class that I had to sit through.

Nostalgia

1. (I was introduced to this following clip by my best friend, Precious.)  Mary Boone is such an interesting and strong woman with incredible taste.  Her gallery is currently showing the work of the emerging photographer, Patricia Coffie.  

2. When I watched this movie for the first time I was quite young and enjoyed it in a much different way than I do now.  But it is still beautiful and romantic and I love it.  

3. I met Heikki a few years ago in New York City, introduced by a mutual friend who was enamored with him upon their first meeting in Paris.  Heikki is a nomad and travels the world with his boyfriend Marc, making a new corner of the globe their home multiple times a year.  His love for music, exploring, and his aunties (whom he has an incredibly close relationship with) captivates everyone who gets close with him.  He is warm, stylish, intelligent and fun, and his work in international relations has fostered his great concern with how people around the world relate to each other:

4. Louis Vuitton Spring/Summer 2009 Campaign: Old Paris

5. Gustavo Dudamel: There are no words

6. Boys/My Youth:

I miss the night Boyfriend #1, Craften Layer, and I drove to this dark and remote area of Poolesville in my green CR-V (which may not seem like an important detail, but the car was an extension of me).  There weren't any street lights and we were pretty far from any civilization.  I don't know how or why we were passing through that area but it was so creepy and we had to get out of the car to look around.  The sky was a dark purple and filled with stars and all we could hear were cicadas and each other breathing.  I miss those nights where we had nothing to do so we would drive to Baltimore or the border of Pennsylvania or just around town.  I miss going to Craften Layers recording sessions and shows and going crazy, screaming, kicking and dancing and flailing about and being proud of being straightedge.  We would play stupid pranks and do stupid things and it was actually really romantic because we didn't care about anything and were genuinely enjoying life.

Then I moved to college and everything started getting serious because I had a future to think of.  I wasn't ready for it.  The pressure caused too much stress on every aspect of my life and my relationship ended after my first year, as did any expectation that I was going to be a rich doctor/pharmacist/lawyer.  I transfered to an art school in New York City with/because of my friend Andrew Kenney who helped me realize where I could go and what I could be.

After the first year in New York, I went to Italy for a summer, where I met Boyfriend #2 and where he grew terribly fond of me and I grew terribly fond of the idea that someone could want me so much.  He would follow me around and buy me anything I wanted and in return I fooled both of us into believing that I had feelings for him. It is not such a nice idea, but it happened and in my defense, it happened years ago and I was a lot more naive and insensitive.

At the end of the summer I ran off to Elba and then to Warsaw with a manic artist to have a silly affair and then I came back to New York to be with Boyfriend #2 for two years.

Nine months after the relationship ended I fell for Boyfriend #3, a career obsessed Creative Director.  Almost a year later, things started to fall apart.

A year later, I am single and realizing that I learned a lot of my life lessons through boys.  And I guess as a woman of the new millenium, I shouldn't really be saying that.  But without these boys I know that I wouldn't be who I am.  Through all of them, I have learned something: compassion, confidence, understanding, reverence, love, even a stronger business sense.  Their presence in my work is undeniable. Our realities and past romances influence my work as I borrow stories from our time together and apply them in my photographs.  

I owe these boys so much and I am really grateful that they shared all of this with me.  

Romance/I Love Too Much

1. Anna Piaggi

(Italian Vogue Dream Team)

(www.style.com)

2. planning my future wedding

I am single and wedding dress shopping:

My wedding will be complete chaos.

bridesmaids:

(Christian Dior, Christian Lacroix; www.style.com)

3. I am in love with Stephen Jones.  My dream job would be to work for him.

To Keep me warm through NYC winters:

To keep  me happy forever:

What a dream it would be to meet him and see him work.  I wish there was more literature about him.

(www.stephenjonesmillinery.com)

4. If I had one, I would never leave my desk: